Wednesday, January 7, 2015

On the Ups...

Today has been a day on the ups from the previous days and to say I'm relieved doesn't even begin to cover it.

Today I have figured out that I will be taking a semester off of school. While this is not what I want, this is the best outcome of what I thought possibly could happen. During this semester off, I will hopefully be getting a job, living at home, and studying for my teaching licensure tests (and taking them). In the fall semester of next year, I will be do my student teaching and will graduate in December of 2015. So technically, I will only be a semester behind where I was supposed to be.

I have been in the long process of applying to places all day *fingers crossed someone hires me*

While this is not where I saw my life going, I couldn't be happier to know that my career will be able to still be pursued and that everything in the school/future career aspect of my life is going to work out just fine.

A big change I am a little concerned about is where I will be living during my student teaching time. I told my dad that since I am not held down in our home county anymore that I would be willing to move with him to Fayetteville when he and my step-mom divorce. After dinner, my step-mom told me that she was looking for two bedroom places to live after their divorce, because she expects that I will want to stay in our home county.

I don't know what to tell them. I want to stay in my home county for student teaching so that I can eventually find a job and work in this county. However, I don't want to be a financial and stressful burden for my step-mom. But I also don't want to teach in a county where I don't want to eventually get a job in.

I'm sure everything will work it's way out, I'm just gonna try and have a little faith.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Devastation After Devastation

Today, I have found out even more worse news than what has been going on in my life recently. Unfortunately, I will not be student teaching this semester. Because of some mistakes I have made, I have put my future as a teacher at risk and this is the first crippling downfall of those mistakes upon my college career.

My hopes are to take a break from college this semester and be able to student teach in the fall semester. This means that I will graduate a semester behind, but hey, hopefully I will still be a 2015 graduate!

For the past couple of months, I have really been questioning my religious beliefs and have gotten to a place where I just don't believe anymore, but a post I saw on Tumblr today really has kept me going.

Under the picture, the OP wrote "Even if whatever is taking place in your life at the moment is not so good, expect God to bring good out of it." I am really hoping that good will come out of this bad time in my life and that I will find myself through the process.

Monday, January 5, 2015

Welp here it is.

I have reached the lowest point in my life. I don't know what life holds for my anymore and the future is more uncertain than ever. My plan was to do student teaching this spring and then teach in the following fall, but that is all in jeopardy as of this moment.

I've realized that I need to start making changes in my life. Maybe this was actually a sign that things need to change. Whatever it was, it's time to take advantage of this down and turn my life into an upwards spiral.

These are some of my goals to help me get on track:
- No soda for 2015
- Less alcohol (I'm actually thinking about giving it up until I graduate...We'll see how this goes)
- Fully emerge myself into teaching
- Figure out if teaching is actually what I want to do/if it is possible to still pursue it
- Find myself

So that's it. This is my life. It's messed up, painful, beautiful, and strange...I'm just along for the ride.